Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I'm gonna off you!

Okay, so here in Atlanta there are a few spots with turn lanes that aren't completely marked, but mostly its obvious. I was sitting on Edgewood with my turn signal on, along with a few other cars and their turn signals to turn right. Then, from in back of the line, a car tries to sneak down the turn lane and effectively cheat by bypassing those of us sitting there properly waiting to turn right. If you don;t know me, let me tell you that I HATE TRAFFIC CHEATERS!!!!!!!
So, I slip over a bit to block the asshole cheater from stealing a turn. He must not have approved because he squeeeeeezed next to me and gave me a look, with attitude, that said "what?". I pointed to the lane and said "That's not a turn lane" through my closed window. He said something argumentative, I don't know what, so I said it again and turned in front of him. Ooooh, this must not have made his passenger happy. In fact, I promise you it didn't.
So, of course, I'm stuck at a red light right after making my proper right turn. Behind me in the car, I see it shaking, yes the car was shaking, and I can hear some words of discontent. I love to drive while on my cell phone, and I was talking to my boyfriend at the time, so of course I began to mimic the lady in the passenger seat. Then her door opens, and she steps out.
In that very ghetto dialect, "Muthafuckin bitch, step out yo car. Fight me face to face. WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!" and I'm repeated ALL of this to the boyfriend and then she screams "I will Muthafuckin OFF YOU!!!!!!!" She repeats the threat a few times and I'm actually laughing and think its the funniest thing. But then she starts to charge the car, with her huge bazoongas shaking, and she's wearing a suit and its FUNNY.
She gets to the car and she starts screaming through the car window a lot of the things she screamed before and I'm just looking in shock and humor and repeating it all to Scott. I'm sure if I was "alone" and not on the phone with Scott i would have been scared. She was big and definitely could've taken me if I didn't have scissors in my bag next to me. I probably should have called the cops too, but I didn't know any info like make/model/tag number and they turned right after that. OH, BUT I'M NOT EVEN TO THE GOOD PART!
So, I'm getting yelled at and probably smirking as i repeat word for word her screaming. THEN, the best part. She pulled her brown pants down. She smashed her white pantyhose clad booty against my window. And she screamed "Kiss My muthafuckin ASS!" as she waved it and rubbed it on my car. Really, aren't you all jealous? This awesome stuff NEVER happens to me! Okay, it does but whatever. Anyhow, she got even madder after the booty part. Maybe it was because I was laughing, or maybe its because I wasn't afraid or yelling back, but she started trying to get in and cursing me for having locked doors (and thats a rarity so thank you luck!). She was real mad and punched my window a few times and then i noticed the driver dude was getting out and i got a teeny bit scared but figured it would be okay since he obviously wasn't the angriest one.
She eventually got back in the car, and I could tell she was still plenty pissed,but I resisted egging her on some more. I'm sure she had a real bad day and I only wish I had wished her a Merry Christmas.

1 comment:

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Holy shit that's awesome! I had a nice lady like that chase me around my car once saying "You don't know who I know, bitch I'm gonna kick yo white ass!" I started slapping my ass so "Come on honey.....kick it!" I told her I knew karate and the cops separated us. God I love Atlanta!