Insurance...those sneaky jerks

In an effort to try and pass the bill to the next guy I got a letter from some group related to my insurance. They said it appears my claim is part of an accident or work related injury. Here is my reply:

Dear I___x,
Today I received your letter of concern over my well-being. Thanks! It feels good to know so many people care. I didn’t even think you would notice one or two little visits to the doctor. But then I noticed you were also under the belief that a third party could be held responsible for my foot affliction. Wow, I don’t know what to say. First, I’m not sure how you think an ingrown toenail could be from an accident or work injury. Curious. If that could happen I bet those people who milk the system would be doing home surgery constantly in an effort to get on disability. Secondly, if you really need to blame a third party, then I guess you could blame my mom for not noticing my shoes didn’t fit. I would say to blame me, but I don’t want to foot the bill. Ha! Get it? Foot? Anyway, I guess you could also blame both of my parents and perhaps grandparents for giving me a genetic makeup that makes my feet huge. While we’re at it, let’s get some money from the shoe companies that make painful shoes and don’t go up to size 11. It’s kind of neglect, right? But then maybe my feet are huge because of all the steroids in meat these days. Oh, we could go on all day. But overall, no, my toenail growing into the side of my foot is simply one of those things that happen and I don’t think we can get someone else to pay for it.
Your friend
Lori