You got any spare metal?

My old roomie Travis called tonight after I got home from work. "You got any scrap metal? I'm going to the scrapyard tomorrow and want to fill my truck."
I immediately thought he must be out of work and looking to raise some bucks in a very creative fashion. Most people pawn shit or don't eat out for a while but this is drastic. No, no. His boss wanted him to haul some stuff so if he's going to take a few hours doing it, he may as well double his money. Right? RIGHT!
"I don;t know why I would have scrap metal laying around but I'll check"
"Okay, I'm across the street at Mike's so just let me know."
I wandered down into the basement and looked around but really there's nothing, and then I walked out back and nah, not much going on except a garden chock full of tomatoes. WAIT! I used to have a wrought iron deck and stairs on the tiny house and when we built a deck we tossed the trash into the jungle with all of the other trash in the neighborhood. I checked and yep, it was still there 6 years later!!!! YAY! I ran and told Travis and then he came over to load it up. That sucker was HEAVY!
As we flipped it end over end toward the truck I saw a black widow! I screamed "BLACK WIDOW!!!!!" and proceeded to smash the shit out of everything within a foot of it. Luckily black widows are real weak and you can tap them and they are pulverized. SMASH! So we go to load it onto the truck and its real heavy and we're pushing and heaving and hauling and ho-ing and then we lose traction and its crashing down and we're trying to control its million pound fall and all I can think is "oh god, I'm wearing flip flops" over and over until its finally on the ground and my flip-flopped toes are safe. Yeah, I was doing all of this in a skirt and flip flops by the way. James came out and saved us which was nice (more on James at another time).
After we loaded that giant piece I had an epiphany. They come often so don;t get too excited, but I remembered a giant 10 foot section of cast iron pipe. Yep, throw it in the truck. Oooh, another piece! Oh, one more over here. See, when the big poop explosion happened in the basement the trashmen wouldn't take those heavy ass pipes so we hid them in the yard. Now I am rid of them forever! Then I found two shovel heads and a huge super heavy piece of metal- with another black widow. That BW also died a crushing death. I squash them like they are nothing.Whats funny is that Travis didn;t really expect anything except maybe an old pipe or a broken burglar bar. Instead he got a truck FULL! Just as he was ready to quit I opened the garage doors. "You want a water heater?" And just like that, all of the junk in my house was gone, for free, with minimal effort. There's still one live black widow in the truck and i hope Travis is safe, but I'm glad to be rid of it and the metal.
To celebrate I went to Mary Macs for a veggie plate! YAY ME!