My friend Sarah is famous!

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/ ... oples.html

i love cake wrecks. so much. And now i even know someone who "made" it, though I'm not sure thats a good thing. Anyway, I'm trying to earn more friendship points so I'll get a dead body cake. Or something equally gross and awesome.

Christmas quilt

This was made for my Auntie Sheryl. She's been my mom's best friend for like 30+ years and so my mom bought the supplies and I put in the labor. She loved it!

Front and Back of the quilt i made

I made this for Scott's parents for Christmas. The colorful side is all fabrics from my trip to Singapore. The other side has a batik panel from Singapore and the blues were chosen to match their house. I was trying to make his mom cry but she must not have felt quite that emotional. She was close though I think!

Merry Christmas!

Salad Spinner Squirrel

While dog sitting recently the pups started going wild at like 4 am. I thought there was a prowler so I let the beasts out onto the porch. But they were not interested in the porch. They were watching the blinds, waiting. I saw a teeny tuft of fur and I thought it was a bat. mom taught me years ago that you need a tennis racket and a towel to battle a bat. I did not have a tennis racket so i settled for a salad spinner. I caught a teeny baby 3-4 inch tall squirrel! Yes, i set him free after the photo shoot.

Chop Chop

While this picture is not great, I wanted to show you what i did recently. I chopped off my hair for locks of love. They make wigs for cancer patients and I had plenty of hair to give!

Thanks to Keirsta from Urban Body Salon who did a fantastic job on the cut!

Dear all,

I am pathetic. I don't even have a job and I can't manage to make a single post in like 2 weeks. You can all quit worrying your pretty little heads though, I have a whole slew of photos and I will upload and share them pronto! i mean, when i can find time in my busy busy schedule.

Velcro Dog!

So medicine has made some fantastic break-throughs and now my dog is part of science. As many of you know, she has had an open wound since mid August. She had a tumor taken out and then she exploded and then she busted more staples. Well, many months later, many sets of staples, some stitches, a couple of surgical procedures and she is on her way to healing it seems! The doctor has super glued velcro to her. This takes pressure off of the wound and helps the open sides pull together. Want to see what I mean? Well, here's a photo essay of me changing her bandages yesterday:


First you see her bandages looking "juicy" and yes that is the technical term the vet used.
See the straps holding the bandages on? Those are elastic.
I just opened up the top two velcros and took out the bandages and look! Its like a portal to the dark underbelly of my dog.
She's very good about all of this as you can see. She just lays there, defeated.
Once I was done with the science that os my dog, we put fresh gauze and bandages in and then closed it up with the velcro.
The velcro should fall off in about 10 days and hopefully she'll be healed up.

Unemployment

So today Ted and I went to the unemployment office. Its a lot like the DMV with its worn out carpet and chewed up chairs. It sees thousands of weary people each day and you can tell. There are no smiles and very little happiness in there. First you stand in line and get checked in. They tell you to make 2 copies of your separation notice and sit down. Then they call you and check your paperwork and tell you to sit down somewhere else. Then the lady calls your name and you go sit in a different place around a table. She recites the procedures that she recites over and over each day: Look at your booklet, turn to the back, write Dec. 10 on it. Now look at your first 8 and a half by 11, there's an address in the middle, now look at the pink page, this explains your benefits, now look at the green pages..." over and over to group after group. I bet she dreams about it. Well, after she was finished reciting she told us to go sit somewhere else, this time in front of some raggedy gross sticky computers. We had to enter our info and then give the lady our papers and we were done. The one funny thing was when this random strange man in a superman shirt walked up to our neighbor and told him that if he needed anything to let him know and gave him a business card with the wierd guy's picture (in the same superman shirt) and his email address. Very odd. Anyway, we made sure to wash our hands when we were leaving. Unfortunately we applied today, but we have to check in on the 10th and then we won't receive a check until after the new year. What a crock of shit. Next time they lay me off i would like more severance pay than 1 week please.

Happy Turkey Day!

Hello all,

Its been a while. Sorry bout that but now I have lots of time to keep updated. I got laid off last Friday. So obviously if any of you know of awesome jobs, hit me up! In the meantime I'm at Scott's grandma's house and we ate a ton for dinner. Well, it was more of a lunch and then I passed out for 3 hours.

If anyone needs crafts for Christmas gifts (and I can pay the bills) then come to Kraftwork at Youngblood on the 4th. Thats a Thursday. Then I'll be at Joe's coffee shop on Saturday the 6th and you can get coffee, crafts, AND the east Atlanta Santa will be going on out back. Oh, and look to the right and you will see my etsy store. Share it with your friends! http://www.lorik.etsy.com/

Right on!

Makin a mess

The other night I had to get up at 5:30 to give Lanie her pills without food. I have to give them to her an hour before breakfast because thats when she gets her pills with food. Its a complex system. Anyway, my house is cold. Real cold. The heat does not come on until Thanksgiving because its fairly useless anyway. So I get up, let the dogs out, give the pills and treats out and then I go pee. Unfortunately my house is cold. A cold cold house means don't sit on the toilet, hover, unless you want to be full awake because of the icicle stuck to your booty. So, what happened? Well, I peed all over myself. I peed all over the floor. I didn't check to make sure the lid was up and then i hovered and by the time I realized it I was done. Luckily I thought it was funny and I simply cleaned my mess and went back to bed. I didn't really sleep anymore but its toasty under my 5 blankets.

Halloween

The wild freak show was awesome on Halloween. Sorry its taken me a while to get the pics up but indeed it was a fun night. We had lobster boy, blockhead, the strong man, tattoo lady, a couple of unfortunate ladies with parasitc twins, the bearded lady, half man-half woman, goat boy and so many more I may be accidently forgetting. It was great except that it was in Stone Mountain. But I was able to overlook that for fun. Oh and in case you are wondering, thats me with the blond hair. You could probably tell but just in case, i was the head of a beautiful woman, the body, an ugly snake.

Rumble in the hood!

Travis went to the gas station down the street and 2 girls were brawling and then one grabbed a puppy out of the other girl's car. So Travis yells "leave the puppy out of it!" and some other dude agrees and runs over and knocks it free. Then that dude and the girl start fist fighting and eventually he pushes her down and yells to calm down. He walks off and she gets up, yells at some people, jumps in the car, floors it pedal to the metal, and runs the dude down. She had to jump the curb and drive through a little grassy triangle. Then she loops back around, pulls into the gas station, yells some more. The hit dude gets up and is hobbling away and the girl gets back in the car and tries to run him down AGAIN! He got out of the way that time but she just kept going. CRAZY! The puppy is fine. Maybe.

Horror of Horrors!

A roach crawled out of my lunch. Sure he won't kill me but it sure does make one queasy and grossed out. I HATE roaches and luckily it was small. I tried to eat the ham out of the middle of the sandwich but I was too grossed out. Luckily the cookie was wrapped. Its hard to throw away a perfectly good cookie.

YAY!

I Voted!

I voted yesterday. It took about 2 hours and 15 minutes. I thought maybe I would beat some crowds because of trick-or-treating and parents rushing home but I think it was a normal line. The line smelled like cheap perfume and grape bubbleyum. I think it all came from the lady 2 spots behind me who had a bee attacking her for at least 30 minutes of hilarity. I also got to stare at a janke wig on the girl in front of me. Ladies, if you must wear a wig, please tend to it. You know, just like real hair, wash it, clean it, brush it, etc. The good news is that on nov. 4 i won't have to be at the polls at 6 in the arctic cold to make it to work on time.

Jim Rose Circus review

So yesterday I got free tickets to the Jim Rose Circus. I remember the old days when the circus was basically a freak show with The Enigma and the cat face dude. There were tattoo face circus punks who ate lightbulbs and stuff and just weirdos. But I love that stuff. So yesterday, when the opportunity arose, I said yes I want to go!!!!

Well, the show started out with DJ Hawg-Tied who is awesome and then some crappy radio style band that should play cheesy beer commercials. When the actual circus crew began their act it started with a menagerie of hot choreographed chicks and a few freak show-ish people doing a little intro with Welcome to the Jungle playing. Then they brought out act after act: Mark the knife from Israel, Melody Sweets doing burlesque and she is allegedly from Italy. Kenichi the awesome breakdancer and more. But the whole time it was soooooo commecialized. Oh, lets cut up this apple in a man's mouth with a chainsaw, oh look! He cut 2 x's, dos equis, get it?! The whole night was seeming like a Dos Equis commercial and I concluded that Jim Rose was a sell-out and his "circus" was crap. But then came Leonid. He is truly living up to his name. He does an amzing hula hoop act and the smile plastered on his face lets you know why he is the grand finale...he is 7 feet of amazing awesomeness.

Tori and I left feeling satisfied that we went and all because of Kenichi and Leonid. Otherwise the show was pretty much a commercial. Oh, and the people there sucked most! There were so many douchebags that it was hard to not get sick. And to the two tattoo boys (Braids and the Mouth) smoking cigars were the worst! Who smokes a cigar in a club for 2 HOURS!!!!!! It does not make you look cool. It makes you suck.

Now, when I got home I went to sleep. Tori on the other hand had some investigating to do:

If you look through the program from the show, it says that Mark the Knife is from Israel. Um...no. Try Illinois (according to his myspace). Also, they found him on America's Got Talent...just like Leonid. And Melody Sweets? Not from Italy. LIARS!I can't find any dirt on Kenichi...but Leonid is definitely from far away. AS IT TURNS OUT...these performers ARE NOT from Jim Rose's usual stable of talent (just like we suspected).These folks were hired by Dos Equis, who is doing this nationwide tour as a marketing scheme (which you knew already given how many times they plugged the product.) And the reason no one paid for tickets? Because you don't have to. Dos Equis foots the bill for all of it.

We both feel duped at having to sit through a 3 hour Dos Equis commercial. But Leonid was super rad! Pretty much everyone was from America's Got Talent but it was still a bit much.

To Chronical a night with the clown

Halloween is almost here!

Susie had a party last weekend. I was a polygamist because making fun of another person's religion is funny. Its even funnier when you get two friends to do it too! Our husband was sick and unable to make it though.

PS- those are ghost orbs on the green picture. They aren't on any other shots.

Sometimes I wish..

Sometimes I just wish someone would help me. Even just a little bit.

Little Five Points Halloween Fest- it never disappoints

Ah, its that time of the year again. The Little 5 Points Halloween Fest was this past Saturday and it always proves to be a blast. There is always a huge sense of disorder, which proves time and time again to be a fantastic element to this event. Usually there is a barrage of hearses that begin the parade but this year that didn't happen. I don't know what happened but I want to blame it on the gas crisis of 2008. As usual there was a great number of gory scary corpses and monsters but the clown was the scariest! He was walking with some sort of undead geisha girl and when he offered my friends' child some candy I wanted to scream no! and tackle the child to protect her. And where else can you see hot girls in panties hanging out in the streets? Last year a lot more people dressed super trashy so this time you mostly got buxom pirate babes and a hot rollergirl or 2. There were also these really awesome 8 foot tall day of the dead costume things. They were a spectacular bunch. I wanted to be in one. Actually it would've been awesome to make KISS skeleton things. Some had glowy eyes that tried to hypnotize me. Gonzo (Dustin) of the Swinks Brothers Stunt Show wiped out doing a wheelie but looked fantastic doing it. Then the parade kind of doubled back on itself and became mayhem. A marching band was in formation while packs of pirates and zombies wove their way through in the opposite direction. Ah, good times. Oh, and as a final note, while first saying "poor kitty" I must then say how awesome it is to be able to bring your cat to the parade.

Lets talk cows!

Cow photo shoots are hilarious to watch. We stumbled upon this great scene and I had to watch. They were struggling with a stubborn unhappy cow trying to get it to stand in exactly the right spot. They would offer it snacks and petting and then try to lift one hoof into place and then the other. Then the cow would shift and they would have to start again. They pushed and prodded and poked and tugged. Good times! Also, please notice the tiny goat in the first picture. Or maybe its a tiny lamb. Or sheep. I dunno but it was just hanging out on a leash curled up near its kennel.

The Georgia National Fair!

Last Friday was my half day at work and what better excursion than the fair? It all started with piglet races. They run the track and swim across the pool and the winner gets an oreo. Its adorable! There were tons of horses and we watched a horse show with the Clydesdale type horses and carriages. They sure gussy the horses up for these things! They put all kinds of propellers and windmills in their manes. I personally prefer a more natural look but I guess thats what the judges look for. After horses we met some llamas. The nicest llama was chip and I fed him from my hand. Did you know they don;t have upper teeth and their lips seperate to scoop the food in? Its quite adorable as long as they don't spit on me. The llama in the photo has the most adorable jacked up teeth. They are a mess! But he was also a cutie. The pig barn was the stinkiest. You would think cows would be pretty stinky but no, those pigs made me want to gag!

In an effort to keep this entry at an acceptable length I will make a few seperate posts. Next is cows and chickens!

Someone was mad at Waverly

This beauty was spotted over near Northlake mall on Sunday. Apparently Waverly pissed someone off. If you know him, let him know he should say sorry.

More Freakshow Banners

Last night was craft night. This is one of my favorite nights of the month. Its always a great bunch of ladies and sometimes a gentleman or Chris (thats a joke). Chris is quite nice and Diana is lucky to have found a guy that will craft with her. My boyfriend is not into it and thinks he has no skills. Sigh...what a sad life- no crafting abilities. Anyway, last night we worked on banners some more. I had already prepped mine with the background so it was all ready to go.
I don't know if you can really see it but there is blood splatter on the policeman/bellboy's face from the decapitation. Yeah, I know, what IS wrong with me?! Anyway, someone should be a giant human eating rat for Chris and Diana's party. Additionally, Kathleen created this masterpiece of "quarterman". Its odd, he was called quartman but there was actually a full half. I guess they didn't fractions back in the olden days.

I hate rain, but I love freakshows!

Its rainy out and all I want to do is sleep. I think I'm depressed. Maybe I'll make some goth art tonight. My boyfriend is being lame, my house is a hell hole of disgust because no one will help me, my dog is still wearing the cone, a shirt, and a booty. The tiny house is at stop and I'm getting no rent from it and life is just tiring. I'm tired of taking care of everyone and no one taking care of me.

On a more positive note I will tell you about my fun sunday. Last Sunday a few of us met at Diana's house to create awesomeness. Diana is having a party on Halloween with the theme of Victorian Freak Show. I am going to be (read this like a carny) "The head of a beautiful woman, the body of an ugly snake!". Obviously its really Madonna. We painted lots of awesome banners to hang on the fences. There's "The big Show" and my snake woman. I plan to make one for "the world's largest rat". Sarah made a very complex one that wasn;t finished when I left but it will be rad. There was one with two reptile frog people and it was hilarious because it exclaimed "They are married!". Blockhead and Half Man/Half Woman were excellent as well. Oh my goodness this will be fantastically executed halloween decor.

Uncomfortable questions at work

A couple of coworkers came out of the conference room a few minutes ago. I overheard "you can always run it by Cassie or Lori, they could answer your questions." I knew I heard my name so I pursued the coworker and asked what they needed. Maybe I was being helpful, maybe just nosy, but I got to the bottom of it quickly: feminine hygiene product dispensers. I was directed to the other coworker who was the original question asker.
I stepped right up and said "don't bother, those things are always empty when you need the item the most, and then you put your 50 cents in and you're even angrier". He stopped me there and clarified that they wanted to know where the feminine hygiene DISPOSAL went. Ooops! Well, thats a whole other issue of anger. I told him that usually they're a silver metal box near the tissue dispenser but those things suck and he should really encourage the owner of the building to just get a service that puts a little can in the back corner of the bathroom because those silver boxes never have liners and "women can be the most disgusting creatures EVER!" I tried to be tactful but talking about women's plumbing and the disposal of products for such events is gross and uncomfortable with your male coworker that you don't talk about these things with.
Tomorrow I'll give you the blog I was going to give you today!

Lemonade Standoff

Hi everyone, I'm writing to make sure you know about Tori. Tori is my awesome friend who needs some odd jobs to a) make some cash to get by and b) write some stories about for her blog. She'll do any number of things: organize a closet, fill bags with sand, take your car to be repaired, pick up dry cleaning, dogsit (she's my partner in the dogsitting world), and probably any number of other things that you could think of. Here's her intro from her blog:

Hi there. Welcome to Lemonade Standoff, this 27-year old freelancer’s adventures and misadventures in yanking the odd job market from the weak hands of your neighborhood youngsters.
Get comfy, take off your shoes…grab a cup of coffee. Or give me a dollar and I’ll do it for you. And write about the privilege.
Don’t feel bad about the kids, its cool. They’re probably too busy watching reruns of the VMA’s, anyway.
How it works:
From now until January 1, 2009 (and potentially beyond), I’m picking up odd jobs. The tedious, the weird, the gross, the questionable and the bizarre. As long as its legal, I’m up for it. Just shoot me an email and if time permits, we’ll make it happen.
I intend to log the work I do on this blog. I’m promising pictures and many opportunities for potential embarrassment. And heck, maybe we’ll both learn something new along the way. Maybe not, but either way, its gonna be magical. I can just feel it.
Why am I doing this?
I guess you could say that the industry’s been rough on me this year, so I wanted to try a little experiment - a somewhat down-and-out 27 year-old’s take on the good old-fashioned lemonade stand entrepreneur. And, of course, I want it to be funny. Really funny, so that’s why I’m hoping you’ll have something bizarre for me to do. But I’m trying to make dough, too…so anything is negotiable.
To quote the venerable Mr. Willie Nelson, “If you’ve got the money, honey…I’ve got the time.”

Climbing

So the past two weekends I have gone climbing. Not the kind where you need special equipment or helmets or anything although an escalator would have been nice. No, last weekend Susie and I climbed Stone Mountain. Its the world's largest piece of unearthed granite and I climbed it for the first time. Its funny, I've live in Atlanta or its suburbs my whole entire life and never climbed it until now. Boy was it a doozie for my untrained muscles that prefer to be stationary. But with a few small breaks I made it! Do you know how embarrassing it is to see fat old people go trucking by like its nothing while you gasp on the sidelines? Yeah, its an ugly thing. Oh, and whoever came up with the idea for a gumpole of disease is a gross nasty person and so is everyone who has since contributed.

So that was last weekend and this past weekend I went on an awesome adventure too! I took a walk with my roommate and the dogs at this bird sanctuary. It was a nice paved path and very mild. Lanie is still all wrapped up and stitched up and wearing her shirt and bootie but she was having a balst! We eventually came to the end of the path and then wandered along a foot path around the swamp (as a side note, the swamp is actually trash juice from the dump but the juice has percolated through the ground so its not stinky like trash). Then we headed up and along some train tracks. We crossed a creek and the had to climb a huge huge hill. It was awesomely difficult but once we got to the top there was a stone quarry! Not the kind in movies that we would swim in but a big barren hole in the ground that they were making sand from. We saw a huge deer leaping among the brush way down at the bottom of the cliff. The weather was perfect and it was tons of fun! Oh, and its only like 3 miles from my house!